Thursday, July 07, 2005

Day of Fear; Day of Sadness

Today was painful for many today. My personal fear and sadness are relative compared to those who lost loved ones in today's tragedy. Some background, perhaps ...

One of my best and oldest friends, a beautiful woman featured in earlier posts, was in London this morning taking a flight to Spain. I can only imagine she was on a train, heading to Heathrow. Perhaps a story of my day ...

I had some trouble sleeping last night -- I had a series of bad dreams about getting stuck in a tunnel, inspired, I imagine by all those tunnels we drove through on the way to Myrtle Beach. I really hate driving in tunnels (not as bad as riding shotgun, but I don't like it) -- they freak me out for some reason. I woke up exhausted and a little late for work.

I left in a hurry I didn't even turn on the radio until I reached the high, and as usual, turned on NPR for the 10 minute ride to work. The first thing I heard was a "today terror rocked London when blasts tore across the underground leaving an unknown number of early morning travelers either injured or dead." I almost wrecked my car.

I discovered my cell phone was out of batteries a few moments later when I fished it out of my pocket in a panic. I proceeded to speed to work at about 85 miles an hour so I could check my e-mail and charge my phone. I was sweating and shaking by the time I walked into work.

The logical part of my mind knew that the probability that she was hurt in the blasts was very slim but any risk, no matter how slight, to her causes me a great deal of concern. She is a beautiful, talented and intelligent woman -- if she were to be lost the world would be a worse place by far. I spent a good part of the morning worrying about her, calling her parents and checking my e-mail. The rest of the time I tried to stay busy and keep my mind off of her.

Keeping my mind off of her is difficult on a good day -- I admit to often spending hours daydreaming about her. Today, however, I was not day dreaming I was having day-nightmares about losing her -- about all of us losing her.

It was after lunch when her father called me to tell me she was ok -- or at least, that she had made her flight. Her father sounded relieved but concerned.

My heart goes out to all those hurt in the attack and my prayers go out to all the families.


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