Sunday, July 31, 2005

Do you Like Hedgehogs?

I do because they are funny ...

I mean, look at her, she is freakin' hilarious!

Friday, July 29, 2005

Blogs of Note

I am going to post about some blogs that are important to me.

Some are by my close friends:

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

The Sunset

I think this was a really pretty sunset ... and I had more photos to post than I posted earlier ...

Sunday, July 24, 2005

Mark My Words

I am in a much better mood today. I wonder why? *smirk*

Friday, July 22, 2005

Mark My Words

Today I made a solemn promise to have my revenge on those who have failed me.

They will pay, and pay dearly.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Ha Ha Microsoft Sucks

I was reading this story here about Microsoft suing Google and I really think Microsoft is even more lame than I thought before.

Why more lame now? I think this is lame because another company, O'Neil and Ass is trying to sue me for a similar, and also, meritless claim.

I hope Mr. Lee and Google run circles around the evil empire and it's minions.

This has inspired me to blog, in the following days, some of the worst things about O'Neil and Associates.

Monday, July 18, 2005

Non-Stop In The Mix

Drugs! Yeah!

I started taking my thermogenesis supplements again today ... as per the manufacturers recommendation I took them for 10 weeks and then stopped for two weeks -- I assume to give my liver a short break from all the extra work.

I really missed taking this supplement and I'm glad to be taking it again. My body temperature is back up around 100 again and I feel very good. As always, the first few weeks of taking it will show the most noticeable effects (feeling hot, ect) until I get used to them again.

Today's Workout! Yeah!

Today's workout (which I am now going to start posting on this blog...)

  1. 1 hour and 5 minutes running
  2. 50 push-ups
  3. 100 situps
  4. 10 shoulder presses
  5. 10 bicep curls

What Is This?

I hope this thing stuck in my throat is not what I think it is. At first, I thought it was a piece of food or something that just would not go away. That was two weeks ago.

It feels like a pea is stuck on the left side of my Adams apple. I feel it each time I swallow and whenever I eat something. Part of my really wants to believe it's a piece of food, part of me knows that pieces of food don't stay stuck anywhere for more than 14 days.

Another part of my believes that it's a symptom of an allergy I did not have until this July. Seems like a logical, standard escapist response from my mind. I am, really, rather amazing at coming up with alternate explanations for the obviously unpleasant things in my life.

Somehow I know, however, that allergic reactions to environmental factors do not work this way. I first noticed the symptom on the way down to Myrtle Beach (hmmm, was I smoking too much that week? yes!) and it has been getting steadily worse over the last few weeks. At first, it was just a little tickle in my throat. Now it feels like each day it gets to be more and more noticeable.

I had a couple of reasons for not being able to sleep last night and the wired, nervous feeling I got each time I swallowed really did not help. So, even though I got home at 1:30AM last night and should have fallen right asleep, I did not actually pass out until 2:45AM, from thinking and worrying too much.

So when my alarm went off at 5:20AM this morning, I was exhausted and did not actually get up and run like I should have. In fact, instead of doing what I told myself I would, I hit the "snooze" button until 5:40 and then I went ahead, gave up, and set the alarm off until 7:20. At 7:20, I set it back to 8:20.

I wish I could fall asleep like I could when I was a child, or when I had someone to sleep next to. The comfort added to one's bed by the regular presence of a woman is something I can hardly remember, but remember enough to know that it makes sleeping a lot easier -- for what reason, exactly, I do not know.

I wish I could wake up like I could when I was a child. I must be getting old.

I am going to have to call the doctor today or tomorrow about this. Part of me wants to know what is really going on ... part of me is pretty sure what is going on and does not want to face the issue head on with the facts a doctor could provide. I think that is the same part of me that knows I am not currently be able to make peace with myself or with my world. I do not know how long it will be, if ever, that I will be able to reach a level of peace that would allow me to leave this without guilt or fear.

Saturday, July 16, 2005

Saturday Again

This is my second post "today." Perhaps, in some way, I am trying to make it up to my blog (huh?) for ignoring it so much this week.

Things are work are starting to get busy (finally) and I feel like I have started to make a serious positive impact. Without the help of my co-workers, this would never have happened. I think one of the things that was really getting me down over the last month and a half was the perceived lack of "team spirit."

I think this week I saw the first evidence of the team starting to come together around the project and around the goals set down in the schedule. That -- more so than actually getting to write code -- is very exciting for me. Wierd, huh?

Anyway, I am going to set this and will return later to post some pictures that are fitting for my previous post.

Friday, July 15, 2005

In Love With The Sun

I am in love with a woman who I cannot name. I might as well be in love with the sun.

She is beyond my reach, beyond me. In fact, I think if she loved me it would be a great travesty -- worse than my loving her and her not loving me would be her loving me. Somehow, if she were in love with me I would feel guilty for having something so far beyond what I deserve.

This may not make sense to those that read it, but to those that know her, you understand. It is not a sad thing that I love her and that she cannot love me -- it is, like the subject of this post, like loving the sun. Who can blame someone who loves something so powerful, so magical as the sun -- even when all who hear of his love know that the sun cannot return that love in any "normal" way ... the sun can only continue to do what it does -- shine down its glorious rays upon all of us.

To have her love me would be like robbing the world of her light, her radiant glory ... almost a selfish act, like someone who would try to steal the sun from us all.

I am drunk when I write this, but that is -- sadly -- this when I do some of my most honest thinking. I also use too many commas when I have been drinking, so use short pauses!

Monday, July 11, 2005

I Wish I knew Why Things Work The Way They Do

If I knew that at least I would have a fighting chance. Who are these people that want to hurt me? Why do they come out of the past with fangs and claws aimed for my heart?

What right do they have? What claim can they lay, so easily, on me?

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Blogs of Bad People?

I just read this story on Wired Mag about this Blog created by that sex offender in Idaho that killed a family, kidnapped a little girl and was finally captured.

I must say it is very disturbing to read -- you can almost hear his slow descent back into madness. I read a number of the blog's comments as well -- many of which were posted well before his most recent violent episode, and almost all of which were personal attacks on him.

I have to wonder how many of those people realized what they were doing? Or, better question: how many of those people realize what they may have contributed to by harassing him?

I mean, the man is obviously a evil, evil creature and should probably not have been blogging his madness for all to see -- much less out in the world. He is, however, articulate and at points, obviously was very angry at himself and the rest of the world.

I just wonder what might have been, you know? What could have happened if he had been under closer supervision and treatment.

Day of Fear; Day of Sadness

Today was painful for many today. My personal fear and sadness are relative compared to those who lost loved ones in today's tragedy. Some background, perhaps ...

One of my best and oldest friends, a beautiful woman featured in earlier posts, was in London this morning taking a flight to Spain. I can only imagine she was on a train, heading to Heathrow. Perhaps a story of my day ...

I had some trouble sleeping last night -- I had a series of bad dreams about getting stuck in a tunnel, inspired, I imagine by all those tunnels we drove through on the way to Myrtle Beach. I really hate driving in tunnels (not as bad as riding shotgun, but I don't like it) -- they freak me out for some reason. I woke up exhausted and a little late for work.

I left in a hurry I didn't even turn on the radio until I reached the high, and as usual, turned on NPR for the 10 minute ride to work. The first thing I heard was a "today terror rocked London when blasts tore across the underground leaving an unknown number of early morning travelers either injured or dead." I almost wrecked my car.

I discovered my cell phone was out of batteries a few moments later when I fished it out of my pocket in a panic. I proceeded to speed to work at about 85 miles an hour so I could check my e-mail and charge my phone. I was sweating and shaking by the time I walked into work.

The logical part of my mind knew that the probability that she was hurt in the blasts was very slim but any risk, no matter how slight, to her causes me a great deal of concern. She is a beautiful, talented and intelligent woman -- if she were to be lost the world would be a worse place by far. I spent a good part of the morning worrying about her, calling her parents and checking my e-mail. The rest of the time I tried to stay busy and keep my mind off of her.

Keeping my mind off of her is difficult on a good day -- I admit to often spending hours daydreaming about her. Today, however, I was not day dreaming I was having day-nightmares about losing her -- about all of us losing her.

It was after lunch when her father called me to tell me she was ok -- or at least, that she had made her flight. Her father sounded relieved but concerned.

My heart goes out to all those hurt in the attack and my prayers go out to all the families.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

What a Mood

I am in a very strange mood ... so much anger fluttering around my poor little brain. I am not even sure what set me off but sometime yesterday I just started getting more and more angry.

It got really bad last night when we got home from the beach -- I was furious and took it out on just about everyone I talked to before bed -- girls we played pool with, the bartender, some girl who was having a birthday party and a waitress at the Fox and the Hound.

Now, granted, the waitress is a bitch but none of those other people did anything but talk to me, yet, I could do nothing but rage. I would have rained down destruction on everything and anything if I could and I do not even know why.

And when I woke up today? Still the same, all day at work -- still the same. I am a cold ball of rage flying past the world in a blur

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Home Sweet Home

Monday, July 04, 2005

I See Drunk People

The point of going to Myrtle Beach was to party, and party we did. As Gabe said "we were putting on a clinic" ...

From left-to-right that's Mike, Aaron, Jerry (a guest), Nate, Chris, Gabe in this picture. Gabe and Mike are my best friends and Aaron, Nate and Chris are old friends of Mike from Springfield (I think.)

You'll notice in this next photo that Gabe is extreamly drunk ...

Oh god, wait, we're all drunk. You might notice that I don't appear in the next photograph ... I am told that I was pretty adamant that I not be photographed for some reason ...

Saturday, July 02, 2005

Lord of the Flies

The lord of the flies, lord of the beach ...

I am on the beach, bitches!

Friday, July 01, 2005

En Route

We left Dayton yesterday and drove to Myrtle Beach today.

I stopped driving around 9:00 after about 12 hours behind the wheel -- Gabe was right, I should have stopped driving around 8:30 ... but after that accident I hate being in the car when someone else is driving. I guess "hate" is the wrong word, fear is actually the emotion I feel.

Anyway, the above picture was taken from the passanger side of my X-Terra ... you can almost see Ohio, but remember, "Objects in mirror are closer than thye appear"