Tuesday, June 18, 2002

Boy oh boy I have been writing in this a lot since Jessie left. Maybe it is my need to talk to someone, person or laptop, after dark. Perhaps it is being lonely, or trying to be un-lonley that keeps me adding line after line of uninspired and uninspired text to this pitifully short record of my pitiful life

As you can tell, tonight, I am in a good mood. I think at some point after my message above, I went back to work … wrote up a good list of things that suck about ASP/CF but rock in SAGE. SAGE sure is cool … I wonder if other people will be convinced. Perhaps, SAGE will only be able to convince me. I did make the entire thing up …

Ok with some help from PERL and the folks at Vanguard Media. HTML::Template and CGI::Application (the object frameworks being used to develop SAGE) sure are cool. Sam and Jesse know the shit, that’s for sure. I hope that someday I can produce something as elegant as CGI::Application (and as confusing internally as C:A ;)

Jessie wrote me a short little e-mail today. I wrote her back right away, my message was at least 12 times longer. I wish, at least part of me does, that she had not written. I like to know that she is ok, but that type of thing just reminds me how much I miss her. And writing her back was a task … oh lord was it a task. I had to keep it detached, for if not she will be angry that I am living in denial. Yet, I could not be cold, for then she will be sad that I am angry. I could not be curt, for she would think that I do not want to speak with her, which is entirely untrue.

Do not get me wrong, I love that girl. But communicating with her from this type of distance, both physical, temporal and emotional is taxing. I feel like we are communicating over some broken protocol or something … a way of talking and communicating that used to work, but has since been abandoned for communicating with someone else (at least, I bet that is what Jessie is doing.) I cannot blame her, she is among people our age she does not know. I must say that I envy that a great deal. It certainly would be nice to be with her for the summer.

It is amazing how fast I can type on this keyboard. Something about the low resistance seems to speed up my typing but increase the number of errors I make. Perhaps with more focus I can reduce the number of errors and increase my word – per –minute rate. Shit, that reads like a typing class sentence. Time for me to go to bed.

Just one last note as to why I was up at this time of night on a work-day. Ashley (finally!) called me back and she is trying to score in Cincinnati right now, but I am beginning to suspect that I will not hear from her until tomorrow, like she said on the phone … if it is too late she will call tomorrow. I am beginning to feel as if it is too late now.


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