Monday, January 14, 2002

Difficult

At home for lunch (as you can see from the timestamp.) This has been a very hard day thus far … I had trouble dragging myself out of bed this morning – talk about low motivation levels.

I don’t know what to do. My stomach aches now as bad as it did on Friday. At least last week it was only when I was thinking about the problem … now it is a dull, constant ache of loss. She is my world, and has been for a long time.

She has probably been thinking about doing this for some time now, I imagine. It must be hard on her, or perhaps not. Perhaps I’ve been so far away now that she has already felt the loss and dealt with it – now after she has gotten over me, she can dump me without emotional trauma. I however, did not see this coming. That bad feeling last week was not about my job, but about my life. I didn’t get fired from my job, I got let go by my life and by the woman I thought was my future wife.

I’m an idiot for moving here.

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